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So, you're a fan of Battlefield 1942, are you? Getting ready for
the inevitable UberGames that will be held at BLXVII? Well sit back
and read up, soldier, because you have a ways to go before we attend
and there's no sense in waiting for me to smack you around there
so you learn some new tricks. I've compiled a quick 3-phase guide
that assumes a basic level of skill and therefore will not cover
well-known tricks; to those that need help with more basic game
mechanics, I'll get some sock puppets later to help you understand.
For the rest of you, these tips should help get you in top shape
in time for the next BL. You know when I make a post, you'll be
learning about all kinds of incredible, meaningful things.
(Knifes
QR7-[BL] before he can say anything)
Ignore
that. Schnell!
Figure
1: Two teammates collide in a rush to get off the carrier on Midway.
One of the guy's names was Jimmy-James, for the love of God.
Can we expect any less?
Phase
1 (Identifying the Problem):
Phase 1 gets the obvious out of the way: Roughly 80% of the people
on your team are terminally stupid, and the 5 people who actually
know what they're doing are cut out of the good vehicles and opportunities
due to the others. This must be fixed at all costs if you
plan on winning against your opponent. Normally, I'm a proponent
of the let-them-draw-fire/human-shield/laugh-at-their-bullet-ridden-corpse
theory, which states that whether teammates support you intelligently
or not, at least they'll take fire and draw attention from you.
However, the freaks-for-teammates you find in BF1942 are more dangerous
than average due to they toys they'll camp - and use - more effectively
against you than the enemy. To avoid this, quickly identify
where your team lacks, shall we say, competency, and move
on. Yes, this does mean AkIrA is banned from my team.
Even
now, stupid teammates draw breath and pose potential hazards to
the core of your squad.
Are
you about to let this frightening trend continue?
Figure
2: Some last-minute team "restructuring" is being carried
out, as in this shot. Is flying-engineer-with-dynamite Plan B? I
like to think of this as plan Mondays.
Phase
2 ("Eliminate Team Weaknesses"):
There is only one answer to stupid teammates getting
access to dangerous vehicles and weapons - those teammates must
be mercilessly hunted and killed before your team can begin making
progress against the enemy in the map. Otherwise, you're liable
to catch a flaming, upside-down plane fuselage in the teeth as you
go for a flag. At the least, it's a chance at the start of a match
to brush up on your knife/anti-tank skills in a low-challenge, ItsTooHot-[BL]-type
of environment.
In
short, Phase 2 allows you to be creative in how you deal with weaknesses
in your squad, but make sure your best-suited players have access
to the best equipment, and no equipment falls in the hands of someone
too stupid to use it. This unfortunately means bread_man-[BL] will
be left out of all the fun, but that's how it goes.
Figure
2A: This is a personal favorite of mine in what we call "preventative
Tard measures."
I
also have some personal, varied guidelines in how I think team structure
and weaknesses should be dealt with...
• N00b teammate
running for a plane? Potential hazard, kill him.
• Teammate
who looks at you funny? Potential TKer, detonate him into orbit.
• Pinned-down
Medic asking for ammo? Needy and weak jeep fodder. PUNT!
With my failsafe system known as Kevlar's Merciless Teammate
Purge™, you will ensure a good start to the map
and a strong team of players to help you capture all flags. Wait...
What's that, you say? By that time, I'd be at a score of -37 and
the whole map would be taken already?
Hmm...
Good point. Got... Carried... Away... N00bhunting... *smiles knowingly*
Even
if you did follow my advice, you've been busy mercilessly slaughtering
your own team and now you're ready to begin taking the fight
to the enemy, so I guess I'll discuss other tactics. In that
case, let me hand the Insane Hat™ off to you, you've certainly
earned it.
If
You Dare... Proceed to Page 2!
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